Regrets-Juan's Perspective

I ran across this blog post the other day and found it very interesting. It deals with the regrets people have at the end of their lives. It’s interesting, because they are all things that we recognize earlier in our lives.

However, in our quests for success, survival or what not, we push these thoughts to the side until a later time as we count other needs as more immediate or important. As this blog points out, by the time we decide to focus on these issues it’s often too late.

I found the summarization of point #2 especially relevant given all that’s transpired in the economy these past few years.  Hopefully you’ll take something of value away from this article and take some time to reflect on your life, so that you don’t have any regrets.

 

REGRETS OF THE DYING
By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. “I wish I didn't work so hard.”

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Shawn’s comment: In reading the article above…not one time did you ever hear about “STUFF”. Bigger house, cars, status, things…I could go on. It has everything to do with love of family, friends and self. My Mom always said…”Don’t wish your life away by wanting to be older. As you age the years start coming faster and faster and before you know it, you are past your childhood, teenage and young adult years heading to retirement.” Enjoy each and every day! Right size your life!

Bicycling throughout Phoenix and Paradise Valley AZ!



You recently read “Juan’s perspective” on our bicycling adventure over the weekend and what it means to him to enjoy a simpler lifestyle and riding bicycles….well it goes the same for me. As I mentioned just the day before, you get an opportunity to enjoy the world passing by at a much slower pace.

I could ride all day long every day if I could. Of course the Arizona heat does not make it optimal bicycling weather, however, Juan and I get up before dawn in the summers to get in as much of a ride as possible. Now….it is just beautiful outside and I can ride all day…

The coolest thing we saw yesterday was something I had never seen before and was so amazed at the beauty of this sculpture. Obviously someone left a bale of hay for him to enjoy and what beauty this gorgeous steed is.

Imagine all the parts and pieces of yesterday’s history form this magnificent animal, right down to an old sewing machine that was plucked out in the midst of sewing.

Vacuum cleaner, silver pitcher, old ornamental ironwork, egg beater, tractor seat and so much more are the bones and make-up of this beauty.

So, Juan and I decided to stop and take some time to enjoy this beautiful piece of art. I see that the artist did sign his sculpture…his name is Carlos Cobos. I tried a “Google” search on his name and the horse and did find where someone from Paradise Valley purchased this piece about a year ago.

However, it is not placed in their backyard hidden from the public…he is proudly placed at the corner of McDonald and Tatum for all to enjoy!

We stopped to enjoy…. and so we mounted our steal steeds and ventured on back home. It was a beautiful day.

Edit, Edit Edit and when you think you are done? Edit again!



To briefly update you….in my blog “Admit It! You Are A Proud Owner Of A Junk Drawer, Closet, Garage or in my case….a Room! I am looking to take this great precious space and turn it into a workable office and organized room. I am so excited as I have found so many options I can choose to help make this space become what I need it to be. From wonderful furniture like at Resource Furniture (PLEASE check out their site…some awesome space saving furniture) to other organized products dedicated to small spaces. In the coming weeks, I will spend some time on great resources and ideas you can utilize in your small space where you can live quite comfortably and enjoy a simpler lifestyle NOT be a slave to your home, mortgage, landscape, etc.

SO I am once again having a garage sale. Okay a carport sale as I do not have a garage anymore (wink wink smiley face). I am rounding up our little community and inviting other neighbors to join in for a weekend of “deals and steals”!

I truly thought that Juan and I were rid of the unnecessary STUFF alas we are not. Edit edit edit….constant editing of stuff and what’s important and cherished I should keep. I admit, at times as soon as I’ve cleaned up and organized an area….I start spending money to buy more STUFF! Figuring I have pared down too much…Nope…still too much stuff. Why am I saving this? Why not use the good dishes all the time, what am I waiting for? Enjoy these beautiful things.

Funny story...I'm sure I've mentioned in my past blogs.. In 2007 I lost the best friend and father a little girl (okay I am not so little anymore) could ever have. My Mom decided to downsize once again. Yes, she had a huge estate sale before and got rid of 40+ years of excess so she could move from a large detached home to a “Patio Home”. Now with her best man gone she decided once again to get rid of stuff and go smaller. She did a great job all by herself. I came over one day after the move and she had a chance to settle in. I brought over some sort of dessert and was trying to figure out which drawer she had placed her utensils. Surprised, I found the utensil drawer however it was not filled with the basic stainless steel stuff….it was her cherished sterling silver. I looked up and said “Mom, what the heck?...Your sterling is in here, why?” She looked at me “matter-of fact” and said “Mary Shawn, (yes, she likes to call me by my full name AND with a Southern accent) Why should I keep my beautiful sterling packed away in the closet waiting for a perfect dinner or event to use it. Every day I am here enjoying life is a perfect time to enjoy and use my sterling!” I could not agree more.

So is it time for an “Edit Session” at your house? Now’s the time before the holidays to have that yard/garage sale.

I’ll keep you posted as to the exact date.

So What If You Could Have a Little Place at the Beach?

For me and Juan….we love the west coast especially the beaches in Southern California. We took a break from the heat and spent some time down in Laguna Beach, Corona Del Mar, Newport, San Clemente and Dana Point. Yes, we spent time walking, sitting, basking and driving along Pacific Coast Highway viewing the spectacular ocean views and seeking out that perfect shell.

It seems you can tell who the tourist is and who the locals are. So many of the locals with their daily routines of rising before sunrise to hit the beach and make their daily pilgrimage up and down the shore taking in the calm sounds of the ocean and filling their lungs with the sea breeze air. It seems that all your troubles fade looking out towards the horizon as the fog hugs the shore and bluffs around you.


Small Church


I wonder how many people visit and wonder…”Wow I want to live here but how can I afford it?” “It’s too expensive!” Well, I have great friends that live here and love their life here. They live within their means and don’t have a need to keep up with The Jones’! Example…I have a friend (has been more like a brother than just a friend) that has been married for over 11+ years, has two beautiful  boys and a great life together. They are my inspiration, why????They live simply and in a small space. A two bedroom one bath apartment sitting on the bluff with Full Ocean views in every room! Some would say they sacrificed what? Extra space to store more stuff! Extra storage to keep things you really don’t want to keep but do out of guilt or laziness. I think they have it perfect! A perfect life in a great space with incredible views. Every time I see them or speak with them, they are blissfully happy. I think they figured it out….they get it.

I have another friend in the Los Angeles area that has done the same thing. She went small in order to have an incredible life on the beach in Redondo. Hopefully, I would like to “interview her” and get her perspective on her “small space living” and the incredible designs she has come up with in living in her space.

What would you give up to live at the beach? We had an opportunity to walk up and down the narrow streets in Laguna Beach and view some of the small places people live in for a place near the ocean.

Beach House on Legion St

Laguna Beach Cottage

It’s not about the size or the square footage…it’s not about the quantity…for me, it’s about the quality of life. Living small with a view like this? I would do it….would you?

Garage Sale!!!

Remember all that touchy feely talk of “emotions”, “letting go”, blah, blah, blah…… Well a lot of it gets thrown out the window or cast aside a bit as you prepare for the GARAGE SALE!

As that pile of immensely valuable stuff begins to build in the staging area (i.e., garage), you begin to see dollar $ign$! You know your garage sale is going to be better than anyone else’s, because your stuff is actually good. It’s amazing that you’re actually getting rid of it, and at such bargain prices to boot.  You’re going to make a killing!

Our timing couldn’t have been better as our Community had a bi-annual garage sale that they advertised in the papers. We place our own ad on Craig’s list as well. If you are going to have a garage sale, one of the best things you can do is start on Friday morning, early! We did a land-slide business by 8:00 am as we had people, who were out garage sale-ing, neighbors on their way to work and all of the landscapers/home service providers stop by.

We knew the Community Garage sale was running through Sunday, so we decided we’d only run our sale until noon Friday and Saturday, unless there were customers. We might even end earlier if it was slow. Our goal was to be sold out by Saturday noon.

I’d say we easily sold 50% of our highly valuable treasures by 1030 am on Friday. We were so happy with our haul that we actually walked around the house looking for more stuff to sell. That commercial grade BBQ, sell it! That lamp, table, and a few more tools, pots and pans, sell ‘em! Friday night we even decided we should sell our big screen TV!

Saturday started off with another flurry and by 1030-ish we were mostly sold out. We had a few big items left and decided to run the sale on Sunday morning for a few hours. Whatever didn’t sell, we’d donate and take the tax right off. Sunday started off slow and we didn’t think it would be any good. In the 9:00 hour we had a final rush and sold anything that was worth a buck. We had a very small pile of stuff left. We piled it together and hung a sign on it that said “FREE”. By the time we were showered and ready to run errands, it was gone.

I don’t remember exactly how much we made, but it was a substantial amount. Most of the big ticket items; furniture, the TV, etc, we placed on Craig’s list. All told we made enough to completely refurnish our new home, buy a new/ better TV, buy all the odds and ends you need whenever you move and still had a small “home fund” left over. Money is better than sentiment any day!

A few tips:

·         List big ticket items on CraigsList. You’ll get more.

·         Price everything as you add it to the pile. If you wait until the day of the sale (no matter how early you start to set up) there will be a line of people asking you “How much?”

·         Make sure you have plenty of change ($5’s $1’s, quarters, nickels and dimes). Also, make sure you know how much change you started with, IF, you are interested in knowing how much you actually made.

·         If at all possible, keep the sale items on the driveway or at the edge of the garage. This gives you a barrier so people aren’t rummaging through the stuff in your garage that isn’t for sale.

·         Be realistic when pricing things. People come to Garage Sales to find bargains. All that valuable stuff you are parting with is not so valuable to them. Even if it is brand new!

·         Don’t be offended by haggling. It’s actually fun.

·         If people are looking at things, but not buying, your prices are too high! Keep lowering them.

·         Place a “Free” box at the end of your driveway and occasionally add a few of the real cheap items to it. (It’ll save you a trip to Goodwill). You’ll be surprised at how many people will take something from the “Free “box, then buy something from you.

·         If someone wants something, don’t hold it back unless you know them, or they leave a deposit. Your goal is to sell this stuff ASAP! We learned this the hard way as the first person that looked at our BBQ asked if we’d hold it while she went for the truck. While we were waiting at least 5 other people wanted to buy the BBQ. When the lady didn’t show up as promised, we put it back out and sold it immediately.

·         Don’t run the sale by yourself if you can help it. Have at least one other person help you as you’ll get overwhelmed.

·          And, designate one person to handle the money/make change. This way nothing walks off without being paid for.

         Now an empty house waiting for final close. So what next?....

STUFF!-Juan's Perspective

So...you got to hear my side of the whole "What is STUFF thing and how to get rid of it", now here is Juan's thoughts on the subject.

Realizing that we were committed to significantly downsizing, I knew we were going to have to make sacrifices. That always seems easier in the “talking” stage than in the “doing” stage. Shawn and I had already had several conversations about “stuff” and how, over the years, we had both fallen victim to the “stuff” is important mindset. Being committed to break free from this thought process; I thought the easy place to start was with my stuff. Easier yet, was with the stuff I had no sentimental or emotional ties to. Or so I thought.
I’m not necessarily a “pack rat”, but there are some things I have trouble parting with. Consequently, I have pockets of well organized clutter. For instance, the garage. This seemed like a logical place to start as I knew at best we’d just end up with a small patio storage room.

Most of the important lessons of life were handed down from my Grandparents. All were very wise individuals who had survived the “Great Depression”.  A valuable lesson my Grandfather’s taught me was never to throw away a good nail, nut, bolt or screw.  Advice that served me well throughout life. I can’t tell you how valuable a .10¢ bolt becomes when it’s all that stands between you and completing a project. Being practical, I tried to exercise some level of discretion with what I collected over the years and only had about two Xerox paper boxes full of misc., but valuable hardware. (You laugh, when my Father passed away recently I threw out boxes of nuts, bolts, screws, etc. that had been carefully saved by my Grandfather and maintained by my Father since the 1940’s!). It seemed like this would be an easy task, but when I started looking at my carefully collected assortment of hardware and weighing the value of each item, it started to get complicated. Everything I picked up had a valuable purpose. Perhaps not an immediate purpose, but valuable if and when the right set of circumstances came into play.

It wasn’t so much the actual act of discarding the items as I knew that logically I’d probably never use much, if any of this stuff. Most of it was the leftovers from past projects. Even if I had a need at some point, the replacement cost for the necessary piece of hardware would be pennies.  What was hard, was letting go of the mindset that had been ingrained in me. The hardware issue was relatively easy in the end as there wasn’t even a strong economic argument for keeping it.

Riding on a euphoric high from my sense of accomplishment, I decided to tackle another challenge. Tools.  Another group of items I was taught to value, collect and maintain at all costs! The yard tools were easy. I wasn’t going to have a yard. Garage sale! Hand/power  tools posed a problem though. Some were for very specific purposes. So specific, that they’d been used once and stored for 20 years. Others had never been used at all. However, one must keep them as you never know when that special project might pop up! Ok, it probably never would, but what if? Again, I was battling a state of mind. After all, you don’t just throw money away on tools and discard them when you can use them for a lifetime. Focusing on our goal, to simplify our lives, (i.e., not to seek out all those great DIY projects so I could buy more tools) allowed me to let go and add most of them to the garage sale pile. I have to admit that over the course of the next few days, I’d stare at the garage sale pile and re-think my decisions. In the end I managed to hold strong. (Strangely enough the 20 foot extension ladder was hard to part with. Hey, you never know when you might need an extension ladder in your condo with 8 foot ceilings.)

What I began to realize during this process was that my attachment to “stuff” really was complicating my life. It really wasn’t even the “stuff” that was the problem, rather stubbornly clinging to a mindset that you “have to” do something a certain way or that you are “obligated to” do something a certain way simply because “that’s the way we’ve always done it!” Many of us place value or significance on possessions, even after they’ve outlived their usefulness. In part it’s because we don’t want to be the one who makes the decision to get rid of something. Here’s a perfect example, saving the carafe to a broken coffee maker. Let’s throw the coffee maker away, but keep the carafe in case one day they decide to re-manufacture that same design. Think how smart we’ll feel when we now have a spare! (We threw away half a dozen carafes when cleaning out my Father’s house). Letting go of the mindset was a huge break through. Coming to this realization or revelation made it easier to begin eliminating the clutter.

All that “stuff” that had seemed so invaluable for years, actually did pay off in the end as we made a nice profit at our garage sale! (I value money even more than nuts and bolts).

p.s. Okay, I confess I wasn’t completely cured of my need to hang onto tools. I had to pull the steering wheel off of my 1968 VW recently. Not a problem! I had a steering wheel puller in my toolbox that I’d used exactly one time, 20 years before!

(Hardware Store 12th Street & Glendale Ave)

Next, Garage Sale......